Saturday, May 07, 2011

Thank God for Mother's

I take grocery shopping very seriously. While the Boy and the Gherkin mill around aimlessly, I sniff, I prod, I poke and finally choose my produce with care. So imagine my horror, when at the near end of one such trip I turn around and find my cart missing. I look for it in the adjacent aisles because I am convinced some other shopper moved it when he/she found it in their way. Nah! nowhere to be found.

As I am in no mood to go through the whole process again I decide to go looking for the idiot who has walked off with my cart. I am convinced the idiot is a man and I am not wrong when I find him in the fish section. I turn on all my charm and inform him that he has my cart.

"No, my cart'", he says.

Change of tactic required. Now this idiot does not look like he would buy tofu (yes, we stereotype - its faster!)-, so I quickly point to the presence of said item in the cart. The idiot has the gall to tell me that I was the one making the mistake and I have been dumping things in his cart.

"My tomatoes", he says rather belligerently and points to the tomatoes I had lovingly picked out fifteen minutes ago. And to ensure that I really understand, he pulls the cart a little closer to himself.

Fatal mistake that one. At this point, in this non conversation, the old lady next to the idiot pipes in and gives him that universal look of utter dissapointment in their spawn that only mothers are capable of. The idiot shrinks back as his mom points at the tomatoes and goes, "not mine".

His mom then let him have it - a slow guttural tirade in a foreign language complete with shaking of the head and wringing of the hands. My job done, my point proven, I grab my cart but not before the idiot gets the cilantro out claiming he bought it. I let him have it, he had had enough humilitation for the day. Besides once the cilantro was discovered, his mother would take care of him. Mothers - they are one tough lot.

So a Happy Mothers Day to all ye mom's. May you continue to wither your spawn with a glance every now and then and may your spawn quake in the wake of such glances.

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